Turning 30 in Disney

So I'm finally getting around to posting some of my pics from my disney trip. I think this was the best birthday EVER and i will never forget it. We went to all of the parks. I spent my birthday in Animal Kingdom, which is now my new favorite park, besides Magic Kingdom. There was so much to see there.....we saw the lion king show, did the bugs life ride, went down the rapids and got completely soaked, went on safari...and also did ALOT of walking. then that evening we went to the beach club for my bday dinner and afterwards walked around the boardwalk. It was a great day!! So here are pics from animal kingdom.....

Here's my mom and me..

This was one of the singers from The Festival of the Lion King show..which was really awesome!!


Wanna go for a ride??



Here's a baby giraffe we saw on the safari...she's only 5 months old...aww soo cute




Look at the elephant family.....isn't the baby cute??

Naptime anyone??

Another picture of the beautiful tigers....

I've got music!!!

Well my blog has music now....it's just a mix of my some of my favorite artists and bands. So enjoy!

Disney World here i come

So today i'm off to Disney World to celebrate my 30th birthday. My mom and I are spending a whole week there. I was so excited last night that i couldn't fall asleep till around 2, so i'm pretty tired right about now. Anyway i'm planning on taking a lot of pictures while i'm gone and there will probably be plenty to write about when i get back. So bye till then.

Ebay and Etsy

About a month ago i started selling some things on ebay. I listed some of my shawls that i made, and some books. Well i sold one of my shawls, and both books that i listed plus a cell phone. So i'm really enjoying selling things on ebay.

But last week a girl in my youthgroup told me about another site that's like ebay, but it's spefically for selling handmade items...it's called Etsy.com. And it's actually cheaper to sell on there then to sell on ebay. And the cool thing is that automatically creates your own store. So i decided that i was going to sell my crochet items on etsy instead of ebay, and see how it goes. So if anyone is interested you can find my etsy store at www.princessbeccajeanne.etsy.com.....i'm calling it 'Princess Becca Jeanne's Crochet Boutique". I only have 4 items for sale right now, but i'll be adding more as i get more done. So feel free to check it out.

Happy Birthday Reagan David!!

Today is my nephew's 6th birthday!!! I can't believe that he is 6 already...i still remember my trip to Maryland to be there for his birth. And i remember being at the hospital with my sister playing cards with her until Warren came back from lunch, hopeing and praying that she could wait to have Reagan until he came back. And she did. I remember going out with my mom and Riley..reagan's big brother, to Build a Bear so that riley could make him a special bear. And when we got back to the hospital, Reagan had arrived.

Reagan i just you to know how precious you are to me. You are so special and unique. There are so many things that i love about you. You always can make me laugh and put a smile on my face. I love being your aunt!! I love you Reagan and am proud of you! I hope you have a special fun filled day! I can't wait to see you and share part of it with you.

Youthcamp in the mountains

so i'm back from youthcamp and back from the beautiful mountains. We had perfect weather and it actually got cold at night...i loved it. Overall youthcamp went pretty good..our new youth pastors did a great job and the kids had a great time. I'm still recovering from camp due to the lack of sleep (staying on the floors as all of the girls...the last night some of the girls were break dancing down the hallway...the night before they were doing cartwheels)...and majorally pushing myself beyond my limits. I didn't take alot of pictures but here are a few...


Four Way Tug of War

Here's me with a few of the girls...Jana and Evie

From the Beach to the Mountains

It's after midnight as i write this and i should really be asleep right now. But it's been about a month since my last post, so i figured i'd let everyone know what i've been up to.

I spent last weekend in Myrtle Beach for the FIRE Ladies Retreat. We stayed at the Embassy Suites Kings Plantation Resort. It was soooo nice. We were right on the beach and also had 3 pools, 4 hot tubs, a waterpark, and lazy river to enjoy. So there's was plenty to do there. And we didn't have much of a schedule, so we had a lot of free time to just relax. Here's my friend Beth, Crystal (roomie) and me on the 20th floor of the hotel.

Here's Crystal and Adrienne playing in the pool




And tomorrow i leave for the mountains...for youth camp. We're taking 40 teenagers...so please pray for lots of grace for me and the rest of the leaders. This is also the first camp with our new youth pastors...i never posted about this yet, but recently our youth group has been going through ALOT of changes and transistion. We had a bunch of the leaders leave, and just about a month ago our youth pastor stepped down. Actually tonight was their last night....it was sad. Anyway there's been a lot of shifting. So please just pray for our youth group, that this transition will be smooth.

Well i really need to get to bed...so i'll post more about camp and hopefully some pictures when i get back.

Desert Song

"  This is my prayer in the desert

When all that's within me feels dry

This is my prayer in my hunger and need

My God is the God who provides

 

This is my prayer in the fire

In weakness or trial or pain

There is a faith proved of more worth then gold

So refine me Lord through the flame

 

I will bring praise, I will bring praise

No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice I will declare

God is my victory and He is here

 

This is my prayer in the battle

When triumph is still on its way

I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ

So firm on His promise i'll stand

 

All of my life, In every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship"

(Desert Song by Brooke Fraser)

Move That Bus!!

For the last week, Extreme Makeover Home Edition has been here in Charlotte, doing a house. So yesterday my mom and i went for the "big reveal". It was so awesome to be there for it!!!! It was really hot and there were alot of people passing out...the news side 30 people passed out, 3 of which went to the hospital. I'm still surprised at how well i did. I didn't start feeling sick or like i was gonna pass out till the very end.

So back to the reveal...we got to the site around 12 and the reveal was scheduled for 1ish. They had to run through practices...and even had the practice limo drive up so we could practice screaming and yelling move that bus. Well then the reveal kept getting pushed back. And finally we were told that around 3 they were hopeing to do it. Meanwhile, we saw some the designers walking around.

And we got to watch Ty do a few practices...that was funny. Before that he ran down the side of the street and high five everyone....Ty high fived me!!!! I was on the phone with my friend when this was going on and screamed. It was awesome!!!! AFter the reveal, Ed one of the designers signed autographs, so he signed my shirt.

So around 3 the real reveal happened. It was great watching the family react to the house. The mom was jumping up and down and screaming.

So here are some pics....
Here's the house


here's the back of the bus


the limo bringing the family in


Ty is getting ready to welcome the family



Here's the family


Here's Ed signing autographs

Ahhh...SNAKE!!

Yesterday there was some excitement at my house. I went outside to get the mail and on my way back, i saw this baby snake in my driveway. At first i thought it was just a really big worm, but then took a closer look at it and then i realized it was baby snake. When i realized that it was indeed a snake, i screamed and ran inside. Keep in mind that no one else was home at the time.

So i went inside and instant messaged one of my roomies cause i didn't know what to do. So i thought about killing it but didn't know and didn't know if i even had enough courage to actually go back out there and kill it. I went back out to see if it had moved and was alive....and it had coiled up more...and was indeed alive. So i went back in and messaged my roomie...and started thinking about ways to kill it. The problem was i didn't to crush it with my shoe cause then there would be snake guts on my shoe...but i didn't have anything else to kill it with. So i had to be really creative.... I thought that if i took the trash can and rolled over it with the wheel...it would hopefully do the job. Well that's exactly what i did. I went back outside and ran it over with the trash can wheel. It was really gross but it killed it.

I still can't believe i did that. That was my excitement for the day. Hopefully nothing like that will happen today or any time soon. I think i had enough of that kind of excitment for awhile.

A nice quiet morning

Well this morning was a nice a quiet morning except for that i was awaken by the sounds of people cutting down trees across the street. They've been working on my street this week and trimming the trees that are by the power lines. I didn't think they would be working this early in the morning...it had to be around 7am. So instead of sleeping in like i wanted to i decided that i might as well get up.

I got up and went out to the living room, cause the noise isn't that bad out there. I laid on the couch hopeing to fall asleep. then this big thunder storm came through. The thunder was so loud that it was shaking the house and scareing one of my roommates dogs.. Doc doesn't like thunderstorms. Well after the storm calmed down some, i walked out on the deck and saw that we had a rushing river flowing through our yard. We have a ditch that goes along the side of our yard, all the way through it. And it really looked like a river...it was crazy. But once the storm passed and the sun came out...it only took a few hours for the river to dry up.

So that was the excitement for today.

A Beautiful Picture

Here's another beautiful picture from the Bahamas....a sunset in Port Lucaya.

Happy Birthday Sis!!

This post is decidated to my sister cause today is her birthday. Let me just say first how amazing i think my sister is. She's been through soo much but she still keeps going. I think the world of her and she is one of my heroes.

So Sarah, i hope you have a wonderful special day today!! And i pray that this next year will be filled with lots of blessings! I love you so very much!

Cruisin in the Bahamas

So you thought my Bahamas posts were over?? Well i took too many pictures..and my mom says that i don't have a good picture of her up yet. Even though i think the ones that i have up are good of her. but anyway these picture are from the 2 cruises we went on.

the first one took us out to the reef and was called a "semi sub". When we got out to the reef, we went downstairs and could see the reef and all the fish. I didn't take my camera down there cause i forgot...but the fish were beautiful. So after about 20mins, we went back up and went snorkeling. this was my first time trying to snorkel and i was sooo scared. For one reason...i was going to be in the ocean ( i don't like swimming in the ocean), and another reason you're surround by fish. Well i tried to snorkel but couldn't get the hang of it...forunatley the were literally surrounded you so you didn't have to have your face underwater to see them. The funny thing was everytime i would moved, i would hit a fish.

I'm enjoying the cruise.


the next day we went on another cruise and this time we saw all the million dollar homes that were on canals. I've never seen so many huge beautiful homes before. AFter we saw the homes we out to the ocean and our guide dove for sanddollars.

What a week

Okay so this week has been soo crazy. Monday was realitivly calm... excited to report. Then that night it was very hard to sleep cause i was nervous about my surgery that was going to happen the next day. So i think i slept like three hours or something. Then on tuesday was my surgery. And incase someone is reading this who has no idea what i'm talking about i'll explain later on in the post. I was more nervous then i was the night before. But a couple of my friends called and talking to them helped me ALOT. One of the them was made me laugh alot.

So my mom picked me up and off to the hospital we went. We got to the hospital and they brought me up to where they were going to prep me. All the nurses and doctors were super nice and that really helps when you're nervous. It took them awhile to prep me ..i had to have an IV...an EKG done...and they had to do the EKG a few times cause something wasn't working right. After all that they brought me down to the where i was gonna have the surgery. I don't really remember that much because they ended up giving me a lot of happy juice. I just remember them getting everything ready before my dr came in...then they gave me the happy juice..so after that everything else was a blur. The surgery went well... my dr put in the reveal loop recorder that will be monitoring my heart..with no problems that i know about.

So after that i was brought to the recovery room..which again was a blur. I just remember that i was in alot of pain more pain then i thought i would be. It felt like someone hit me full force with a brick or something heavy like that. I think even the nurse was surprised that i was hurting that much. But she was great and gave me oxycodone to help...which helps but makes me very loopy.

So now i'm recovering and i'm still in pain. I had an okay day yesterday so the pain wasn't so bad..just sore. I actually made it to church last night. And today i started off feeling pretty good just tired from the pain meds. And i went to my sister's to have lunch with my nephews at Riley's bday party. I felt alright while i was there but after we left we had to stop at a few places and then were goign to go out to eat. And the pain started to come back So since 4pm i've been in alot of pain...it almost feels like the pain i was in on tuesday.

So now i'm just laying in my bed writing this, listenign to a podcast. Trying to stay awake for a little while longer. that's the excitement for this week...next week I'll be going back for a follow up appointment and they'll take the dressing off and do all the other fun stuff.

Fun at the Harbour Room

well it's been a few weeks since i've been back from the Bahamas and yes i'm still blogging about it. I took alot of pictures and the trip was just too much fun, not to. We found this really nice resturant in Port Lucaya, called the Harbour Room. It was one of the best resturants i think i've ever been to. They had really good food and the service was awesome. Our waiter, whose name was Perry was definately one of a kind. First of all he totally took care of us and went the extra mile every time we were there. And on top of all that good stuff..he was really funny and went around singing "oldies". So here's a few pictures from one of the nights we were there.

Being silly in the Bahamas

While we were in the Bahamas i was constantly keeping my eyes open for a great silly picture opportunties....and they're were plenty on this trip. So here are my favorites.

"Help me...I'm trapped in an old phone booth!!"


Who should i call??


Here's my new friend...Mr Nutcracker...we met at the Harbour Room


Here's me trying to be a diva


The shark's gonna get me....ahhh!

More pool pics

I wanted to put these in my last post but it was getting too long so here are some more pool pics...

Bahamas... the pool

One of the best parts of the resort that we stayed at was the pool. I've never seen a pool this beautiful and so huge. So this post is devoted to the pool.

This is one of the two bridges that went over the pool. And all the landscapeing and flowers, palm trees...made you feel like you were in a rain forest or something.
The pool has these caves..each one had a jaqcuzzi inside...it was really cool. And there were also alot of waterfalls. So to get in some of the cave you had to under them...so much fun.
And there was this one huge cave that they had a pool bar inside. You could either swim up to it or if you didn't want to get in the pool or wet ( that would be no fun) you could walk in on the dry side. One day we swam up to the bar and ordered chicken strips and pina coladas...it was soo much fun

Here's the "dry side" entrance to the bar....soo pretty. And also they had a going around the cave that the bar was in. I think that besides laying in the hammock...the waterslide was my favorite thing to do. I had a close encounter with a lizard on one of my trips down...i was about half way down and there was this lizard inside the waterslide and i was headed straight towards it for speed ahead and there was nothing i could do....so i screamed and hoped i wouldn't touch it.

Bahamas....My New Favorite Place

Well I've been back from my incredible vacation for almost a week now....it's hard to believe. I took alot of pics and have alot to say so this will be the first of many posts about vacation. I really love the Bahamas so much that i've decided that it's my new favorite place. Just look at how beautiful it is??? Don't you just want to go relax in one of those chairs and enjoy the view??? i know i wouldn't mind hopping on a plane right now and go hideout there for another week. For the most of the time the weather there was great, except that it was extremely hot and humid...and on a our last night it thunderstormed really bad...looked like a hurricane was coming through. It took awhile for me to get used to the heat.

We had a direct flight to Freeport (Bahamas), so it only took a few hours to get there. Once we got there we had most of the day left to enjoyed. While we were waiting to check in our resort we went the resturant that's on the beach and had Bahama Mama's( no alcholic) and some snacks. We just sat there and enjoyed the sight of the palm trees and the ocean. I couldn't believe that we were really there.

After we were all checked in and settled we walked around the resort to explore and i discovered this wonderful hammock by the pool. It was in the perfect spot...beneath two palm trees and right by the edge of the pool. I love hammocks!!!! Later on we went took the water ferry over to Port Lucaya...had dinner at the Harbour Room (which i'll write about later) and walked around.

My Puppy in the Bahamas

So you're probably wondering what in the world I'm talking about. Well a few years ago my wonderful nephews, Riley and Reagan got me a puppy stuff animal for my birthday. I asked Reagan what i should name it and he said "Puppy". So her name is Puppy. Anyway i thought it would be fun to bring her with me on my vacation to the Bahamas and take pictures of her doing different things. So Riley and Reagan this post is especially for you and i hope you enjoy the pictures. And for everyone else incase you're wondering, i'll be posting some pictures and stuff from the bahamas soon...the next on my list. So here we go...

Here is Puppy getting ready to enjoy a nice long soak in the jacquzzi tub. she really needed it cause she spent several hours stuff in a suitcase on the way to the Bahamas. She's a good puppy and didn't complain much..she was just so happy to go on vacation.

After a long hot day, spending time at the pool and the beach, and walking around Port Lucaya...Puppy was usually pretty tired and loved to sleep on the big bed.

Puppy loved to find a place in the shade to keep cool when it got really hot. Here she is in her hideout outside of our room.

One of her favorite places to go was to the pool and just relax in the sun or swing in the hammock under some palm trees. And when she got really hot she enjoyed jumping in the pool and going down the waterslide. So puppy had a great time in the Bahamas and would loved to go again someday. I think it's her favorite place she's been so far.

I saw it!!!

I saw "Prince Caspian" last night!!!! I went with my roomies. I loved it and thought it was really good. They had some great new characters. But the movie was more violent then the last one, and had one scene involving the White Witch that really freaked me out.( think it would scare young kids)..i had to look away. I don't want to say too much about the movie because i don't want to give away anything for those of you who haven't seen it yet. Overall it was definately worth seeing.

Bahamas here i come!!

So this time tomorrow..i'll be on a plane headed to the Bahamas. I'm so super excited...I've never been before. My mom is taking me and we'll be there for a week...actually 7 nights and 8 days. I can't believe that we're going to be there that long....wahoo!!! So i'm not sure if i'll be posting while i'm there cause i don't know what the internet/wireless setup there is like...so we'll see. I do plan on writing while i'm there so i'll definately be posting more when i get back.

Oh by the way about the Smoothie Contest that i want to enter....i'm having a hard time with their website so i'm not sure if i'll be able to enter or not. I tried yesterday and submitted my entry but it kept saying that there was some kind of mistake..so i'm tried again like 20 more times and it still did the same thing. So i'm going to give it one last shot today..i think the deadline is the 25th or something. Hopefully this time it will work.

Still awake

Well it's a little after 1am and I'm still awake. The question is why in the world am i still awake??? The past few nights i've been having a hard time sleeping. Last night i didn't fall asleep till around 3am. Most of the time it's because im in some kind of pain but tonight i'm actually feeling okay. I'm wide awake so i'm hopeing that writing this blog will make me sleepy.

This week has been a calm semi boring week. I'm been trying to get ready for my vacation ...im leaving on sunday for the Bahamas. My mom is taking me and we're going to be there for a whole week. I'm so super excited! So to get ready for the trip, my mom's been taking me shopping and i've gotten some new clothes and stuff. And tomorrow i'm going for a manicure and a pedicure...wahoo!

So like i said i'm sooooooo excited about this vacation. I can't wait to escape reality for awhile and relax. To be real honest i'm really drained from dealing with everything that has been going on in my life. I really need this vacation.

Need some help please!!

Well i said that i would be posting more and haven't yet...so here's some news. I'm going to be entering " The Ultimate Smoothie Recipe" Contest that Marthastewart.com and The Why Milk Campaign are running. There's a grand prize of $1,000 and a few other prizes that include a really fancy blender. So i need some help with nameing my smoothie. The one i'm entering has every kind of berry there is (strawberries, rasperberries, bluberries, blackberries), Pina Colada Juice, and of course milk...that's not all the ingredients...I don't want to give away my recipe. So if anyone has any suggestions please feel free to let me know. Thanks!

I'm back again...

Well sometime last month i decided that i was going to start blogging again... but life has been full with adventure around every turn...so i haven't made the time to write.  And not having a working laptop didn't help much either. But now thanks to my dad, i have a new laptop and will hopefully be posting more often. 

I'm back!!

It's been an awful long time since I've wrote on this blog, so i thought i would start writing again.

Theme Song

I've discovered another song that describes my life and the way i feel about it right now. So it's now my new theme song! If you want to hear it you can go to my myspace..www.myspace.com/gracefulprincess.

The cool thing about this song is that it reinforces what one of my leaders told me the other day. We were talking about my current situation and he said that I amaze him because i've been through more stuff then anyone he knew and yet i'm still standing.

Here are the lyrics:

all my hopes and dreams inside
visions lurk behind my eyes
something new behind it grows
and You smile as my heart knows
to be another still with You
I'm the one that loved You through
but I'm still nothing next to You
I'm still ntohing next to You
what I've seen and where I've been
what's breaking out and breaking in
who I love and I despise
melting into compromise
how I've changed and how I've learned
becoming less becoming more
and I'm still nothing next to you
I'm still nothing next to you

the sickness my mind's battled long
the center of my every song
the beauty of my voice it fades
into a spiritual cascade
flowing form Your perfect smile
I've avoided all the while
but I'm still nothing next to you
I'm still nothing next to you
all the future seems unclear
never moving never near
but You hold me as I scream
wake me from my wicked dream
something out there waits for me
hand in hand we wait for it
but I'm still nothing next to You
I'm still nothing without to You

and the wonder of it all is I'm still standing
and the wonder of it all is we're still standing
never planned it
and I wonder where I'll be next year

will You stand right next to me
will You hold me faithfully
should I question all these things
what makes me so deserving
of something that I've thrown away
coming back for me today
when I'm still nothing next to You
I'm still nothing next to You
hearts are broken just to mend
when will my brokenness end
lending my mind to dreams it seems
some things are never meant to be
but faith it lingers as I die
inside surrending I cry
I'm still nothing next to You
I'm still nothing without You

time is a broken dream
time is and endless change
time is and offering
time has and endless sting
time has a world to bring
time, it's a broken dream
mended while lovers sing
(Wonder of it All by Monday Morning)

What's Next???

The last few weeks have been full of excitment which has now turned to chaos and confusion. Last week the disability finally went through (thank the Lord) but this week i got a letter from Social Security saying that they're canceling my SSI because i'm on disability. And to make matters much worse i got a letter yesterday from Medicaid saying that they might cancel the medicaid because SSI was canceled.

I'm completey floored right now and confused all at the sametime. God only knows what will happen next.

My Strength

" I don't know what to do

I don't know what to say

All i know is that i love You Lord

And i'm with You all the way



So come, just come Lord to me

So come, just come Lord to me



When my world is caving in

And i'm surrounded by my fears

It is You that i hold onto

It is You that wipes my tears



So come, just come Lord to me

So come, just come Lord to me



I find my strength in quietness and trust

I find my peace in the shadow of the cross"

(My Strength by Adam Miller)



Well it's been another rough week, and honestly at this point i don't know how much more of this i can take. I'm so frustrated and fed up with being sick. I want my life to be normal again!!!! I started to black out at Bath&Body Works today while i was waiting in line. I was really shakey and just started to collaspe.. it scared my mom half to death as well as myself. I just don't know what to do anymore... and when it comes to praying i've been speechless cause i'm just so frustrated. How can i keep fighting this when i just don't have the strength anymore? I get to this point alot or at least it seems like i do, and i always push myself to not give in and give up. But what do you do when you're at the point where you can't push yourself anymore? Sorry to sound so down or whatever you want to call it, but i can't keep acting like i'm doing fine cause i'm not right now. I really need God to move in my life.. something's gotta happen soon.

Sleep is a wonderful thing

Well i had a great post i wanted to post on my xanga but for some reason they're having techinical difficulties, so i'm posting it here first. i've come to another exciting conclusion and want to share it with the rest of the world.. Sleep is a wonderful thing!! Over the past few days i've been getting some good sleep.. the kind where you wake up refreshed instead of feeling exhausted like you never went to sleep (thats how i normally feel). I consider myself lucky when i can get a few hours of sleep a night. So being able to sleep 5 hours straight in a row and then wake up and go back to sleep for a few more hours, and still wake up feeling good, has been a tremendous blessing. I'm really enjoying this, i don't know how long it'll last. It's amazing how much of a difference getting some good sleep really makes. I love sleeping now!!

Hallelujah

"Who can hold the stars and my weary heart?
Who can see everything?
I've have fallen so hard, sometimes i feel so far
But I'm not beyond Your reach
I could climb a mountain, swim the ocean, or do anything
But it's when You hold me, that I start unfolding
And all that i can say is

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I choose to sing Hallelujah

The same sun that rises overs castles and welcomes the day
Spills over buildings into streets where oprhans play
And only You can see the good in broken things
You took my heart of stone, and You made it home
And set this prisoner free

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing Hallelujah
Hallellujah, Hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I choose to sing Halleljuah'
(Halleljuah by Bethany Dillon)

I heard this song for the first time yesterday and it quickly has become the cry of my heart. I want to be able to praise God in the good times and the bad. That's one thing that i've learned during what has been the most difficult season of my life. Take for example the past few days, some major good things have happened and i have rejoiced and praised God (i'm still am). But today i woke up with a horrible migraine and feel miserable... but i still can praise God because He's been so faithful to me.

Disability Battle is OVER!

Today is such a happy day.. it's turning into a happy week!! I found out yesterday that the medicaid went through. And i found out this morning that the disability went through. So the long battle of trying to get disability and medicaid is offically over!!! Thank You Jesus! God is so incredibley faithful!! Thanks everyone for your prayers they mean alot to me!

I Like This Quote

Sorry that I haven't been keeping this blog updated. My life is pretty complicated right now. I just wanted to post this qoute i found tonight. It's really good and would be a great way to live life.

"Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life, and when it comes, hold your head high, look it squarely in the eye and say" I'm bigger then you. You cannot defeat me." ( Ann Landers)

Day at the Dentist

Today has been quite an interesting one. I spent the morning at the dentist. I haven't been to a dentist in a LONG time, not because i'm avoiding it but because i don't have insurance and can't afford it. Well i went today because i chipped a tooth and i'm having problems with my wisdom teeth, and all of that has been causing me severe pain.

So I found out today that the tooth i chipped has to be extracted for a few reasons, one there's not much left of it... it's a big chunk missing, and two there's a bad infection in the root. So i'm now on antibotics 4 x's a day.. more pills!! So i'm being sent to an oral surgeon, next wednesday to get the tooth extracted.

The other reason they're sending me to the surgeon is because of my heart problems and all the medicines i'm on. and I also have to take antibotics before i have ANY dental work done including getting a cleaning because there is a risk i can get a bad infection because of my heart.

So i did find out alot today but i'm not looking forward to next week.. it's gonna be painful. Afterwards i have to decide if i want to get a dental implant to replace my tooth. And i'll also find out if i need to get my wisdom teeth removed.

So much to look forward too...(i'm being sarcastic)

The battle may be over soon!!

The long battle concerning my disability maybe over soon!!! I got a call today from Social Security Disability office. To make a long story short.. the lady i talked to said she is going to get the dr who is making the final decision, to make his decision TODAY!! So i may be finding out sometime this week!! It would be so great if the disability goes through today or even tomorrow. I applied last June and finally heard something back from them last month. And now i got my congressman involved, so that's why i think they're trying to rush it through and get me approved. so please be praying for me!! Thanks!

Driving

Oh how I wish I could drive.. especially today. I haven't been allowed to drive since last May and I'm still not used to it. And there are days like today that i really miss driving and being able to get to where i need to be, and not having to depend on others for rides all the time. Like said today is one of those days cause there's a dinner for the youth leaders tonight but i still haven't been able to find a ride out there. So it looks like unless a miracle happens i won't be going. I was really looking forward to it. UGHHHH!!

Sorry that this is more of a venting post and not real positive but I'm extremely frustrated right now about my limitations.

AHHH!!!

You know the feeling when you get novacane at the denist.. and they stick that needle in your gum/jaw?? Well that's how this pain is feeling right now. I just want to scream cause it hurts so bad. I think it has something to do with my wisdom teeth but i'm not totally sure. And the bad news is that i don't have dental insurance so i can't go find out because i don't have the money. But i've been in ALOT of pain lately. today the pain's been all day and is worse when i attempt to eat or drink something. So today hasn't been much fun. i've been taking darvacet for the pain and it hasn't been working that well. I'm waiting for more medicine to kick in so i can sleep otherwise i'll be up all night.

on a lighter note... Youth went really well tonight!!! the whole night was just great, especially when we split up in our groups. We split the younger and older teens up. I'm with the 14 and up group. And after we talked about the parable we've been doing, we started talking about the presence of God. and we went around and shared about a time in our life that we felt the presence of God. The kids were really being honest and opened up. It was soo awesome!!! Thank you Jesus!

Not Alone- Part 2

I know i probably should be in bed right now but i have a lot on my mind. I've been doing alot of thinking and reflecting on somethings that God has done recently in my life. So this time it's not a bad thing to have a lot on my mind. I just wish i could articulate what's in my heart better.

Over the past month God has really gone out of His way to prove me and remind me that I'm not fighting this battle alone. There's been many times over the past months (especially this one) where because of how sick i've been and the rest of my situations, I was at the "end of my rope".. i just wanted to stop fighting. And i felt like i couldn't be real with anyone and felt like i was alone in this. But like i said God went out of his way...

a few weeks ago i recieved an unexpected phone call from a girl that i had discipled at Brownsville. After i moved to Charlotte we kept in touch pretty well but then we lost touch for awhile... till out of the blue she calls and leaves a message on my cell phone. To make a VERy long story short God has been putting me on her heart. And the night before she had a prophetic dream about me. I won't go into detail about the dream, i'll just say that from the dream God gave clear direction about how to pray against this disease i'm fighting. In the dream she went into spiritual warfare against the disease and some other things. After she told me about the dream, she said she was up all night praying for me. and that she just wanted to call and tell me that shes praying for me and shes fighting with me and to not give up. So that was totally God.

well then just the other night at church, i was talking with someone who i don't really know too well, at least not yet. and she said that God had put me on her heart and she was praying for me.

I know some of this is small, but it's the smaller things that encouraged me the most, sometimes. God really has been strengthing me heart over the last few weeks. He is so faithful.

Not alone

I've been sitting in my room listening to a song my Jason Upton, "You're not alone", over and over again, for the last few hours. Its the song that plays on the website. I need to get this ingrained in my heart cause i've been really wrestling with alot lately. And it's so tempting to think that I'm alone in this especially right now during the times when God is silent and He seems to be far away. Here are some of the lyrics:

" Sometimes we feel so afraid
Sometimes we feel so lonely
Sometimes we feel confused
Sometimes we feel so helpless
And we don't know what to do

And its hard to believe it
If we never heard the voice of a Father
Saying your name

You're not alone
You're not alone
I never leave you
I never leave you"
(Jason Upton)

I hate making decisions!

I spent some time at my mom's, sorta to get away from everything and think some things over. And after doing some praying and thinking i've reached a decision, that was really hard for me to make. I hate making decisions, especially when it has to do with stepping back from something i dearly love. I've decided that for right now because of my health it's best if i step back from AMT. I'm not completely dropping it, I just can;t continue to make all the meetings. So i'll be doing some things from home now. It's just been too much trying to set up where i'm gonna spend the weekend so i can get to the meeting, and then trying to find a way back home. And it's put alot of extra stress on me.

So this will hopefully only be temporary, until the disability goes through and i can move to Concord. once i'm in Concord then things will be much easier.

Changes are coming soon

I come to another conclusion and this one doesn't have to do with trying to be superwoman. I think i need to make some changes in my life. I can't handle everything right now. Trying to be involved in a few ministry things and fighting this disease at the same time isn't working. The sad part is i'm only involved with 2 things right now, it;s not like i'm doing a million different things all the time. And both things are very dear to my heart... so God's going to have to speak me cause i can't make this decision on my own. So there will be changes coming soon.

I still believe

The new year isn't starting the way i hoped it would. I've had a really rough week. Honestly it;s weeks like this that get me so frustrated about what God has already promised me. It's too the point where part of me would just give up fighting this disease and believing for my miracle. But I can't give up! So i just want to say to God, that i still believe, no matter what.

"Scattered words and empty thoughts seem to pour from my soul
I've never felt so torn before seems i don't know where to start
But it's now that i feel Your grace fall like rain
From every finger tip washing away my pain

I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your Holy Word
Even when i don't see i still believe

Though the questions stil fog up my with promises i still seem to bear
Even when answers slowly unwind it's my heart i see you prepare
but it's now that i feel Your grace fall like rain
From every finger tip washing away my pain

I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your Holy word
Even when i don't see i still believe

Well the only place i can go is into your arms
Where i throw to you my feeble prayers
In brokeness i can see that this is your will for me
Help me to know that you are here

I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when i don't see i still believe"
(I still believe by Jeremy Camp)

Another profound conclusion

yesterday i came to yet another profound conclusion. Are you ready for it?? I'm not superwoman!!! you either are laughing your head off or you probably think i've lost my mind.

Well i had a super busy weekend cause my best friend came to see me from out of town. so by monday morning i was completely wiped out. And on monday i helped out at the school office all day and did the same on tuesday. But tuesday i thought i could be superwoman and lifted one too many heavy boxes full of books. I don't know what i was thinking.. actually i probably wasn't thinking. Well i've been back home since yesterday and have been sick.

So the conclusion i came to was i'm not superwoman and i shouldn't try to be!!!

new year

Just wanted to say happy new year to everyone!

Christmas list

I've got a small problem... Mrs Sherry wants me to make a christmas list for her and i don't know what i want for Christmas. So this sounds absolutely crazy but i don't put much thought into what i want anymore because there's been so many medical bills to pay and other things that i need, that normally that takes priority over what i want. And my mom always gives me money and tells me i have to use it for bills and things i need. It's been like this for awhile now.

so i'm sitting here trying to think of what i want so i can give her a list. So far i've only come up with 2 things.

"All Is Well"

I just finished listening to "All is Well: A Christmas miracle in July", by Frank Peretti. It's a story that my mom would make us kids listen to every Christmas while we were eating breakfast, before we could open any presents. To sum up the story its about a single mom and her daughter and she is struggling to make ends meet, life is far from all is well. Well they run out of money and God provides. there's more to it then just that but you have to listen to it. Anyway in the beginning of the story Frank Peretti says something that really hits home with me right now. Here's the qoute:

"All is well... do we really see it that way? Sure Christmas time we believe it but all too often nothing is well. I guess it all depends on where you're standing and how good the view is from there."( Frank Peretti)

That's how i feel right now. I couldn't have said it any better or plainer then that. Right now i just can't see past some things in my life that are going on right now. There's just way too much. But even though i may not be able to see that "All is well", there's still this little hope that somehow, someway everything will work out. And all will be well.

Christmas Letter

Well on my agenda for the day was to send my Christmas cards out and write a christmas letter. The cards are easy cause i send ecards, so i just have to choose the one i want hit send for the most part. I'm about halfway done with the christmas cards. The Letter on the other hand is rather difficult. It's requireing more of me then i thought i would. Well i finally formatted the pictures, so it looks great, now i just have to write the letter part, which is the hardest part for me. I just don't know exactly what to say. UGH!!

My Life

I don't have much to say today, nothing real profound, just that i'm extremely frustrated with my life right now. And the things that i'm frustrated about are the things that i cannot change and have no control over. Oh how i wish i could have a simple life again, how did life get so complicated, to the point of being overwhelming with problems? Right when something starts looking like it might get resolved or a bit improved.. bam.. i get hit with something else. I really don't understand it. I;ve already decided that i'm not giving up... but i am growing majorally tired and like i said frustrated.

All My Praise

All My Praise
Word and music by Audrey Hatcher

I will follow You through green pastures
And sing hallelujah to Your Name
I will follow You through dark disaster
And sing hallelujah through the pain
And even in the shadow of death
I will praise You
And even in the valley I will say

Holy, my God
You are worthy of all my praise
Holy, my God
You are worthy of all my praise

You are seated on Your throne in heaven
And You see all of us down here
And You have promised You will not abandon
So I shall not fear
And even in the shadow of death
I will praise You
And even in the valley I will say

Holy, my God
You are worthy of all my praise
Holy, my God
You are worthy of all my praise

You made every star
And You taught it how to shine
You knew my name before there was time
And all this was just part of Your glorious design
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Few More Days

Last night I had one of my vent sessions with God cause right now i just don't understand why somethings are going on in my life. Take for example this week I've been in severe pain to the point where i wasn't able to get out of bed and on top of things, i blacked out a few times. I'm already having a hard enough time trying to handle and fight this disease now i've got to deal with back issue.. what's up with that? So i've been asking the Lord the question.. How Long?? How many more mornings do i have to wake up so weak that i black out or that i'm in so much pain that i can;t move? How many more sleepless nights because of pain? How many days of taking endless pills that don;t help but only make me sick? I can go on forever.. but you know where i'm going with this,, how long? Well He answered me... " Just a few more days" I don't know what he means by just a few more days. A few more days to him could be longer then what we think of, but it is still very encouarging! And it gives me much hope to keep pressing in till it happens!

Believe Me Now

"I watch you looking out
Across the raging water
So sure your only hope
Lies on the other side
You hear the enemy
That’s closing in around you
And I know
That you don’t have the strength to fight
But do you
Have the faith to stand (and)

Believe me now
Believe me here
Remember all the times I’ve told you loud and clear
I am with you and I am for you
So believe me now
Believe me now

I am the one who waved my hand
And split the ocean
I am the One
Who spoke the words and raised the dead
And I’ve loved you long before
I set the world in motion
I know all the fears you’re feeling now
But do you remember who I am?

Will you believe me now
Believe me here
Remember all the times I’ve told you loud and clear
I am with you and I am for you
So believe me now

Believe it’s true
I have never I never will abandon you
And the God that I have always been
I will forever be
So believe me now

I am the God
Who never wastes a single hurt
That you endure
My words are true
And all My promises are sure
So believe me now
Oh believe me now

So believe me now
Believe me here
Remember all the times I’ve told you loud and clear
I am with you and I am for you
So believe me now
Believe it’s true
I never have, I never will abandon you
And the God that I have always been
I will forever be
So believe me now
Believe me now
Believe me now
Believe Me Now"

(Believe Me Now by Steven Curtis Champman)

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving!! I hope everyone has a wonderful day and enjoys time with their family and friends!! I know i have alot to be thankful for, maybe i'll post something more about that later cause i don't have much time now, cause we have company over.

Lessons from a Little Chicken

Well i saw Chicken Little yesterday and absolutely loved it. Not just because it was funny and cute ( it really was) but i really learned somethings. I'm not sure how else to put it.

for those of you who saw the movie, there was one pharse that Chicken Little kept saying throughout the movie especally during the beginning. "Today is a new day". Well for some reason that's been sticking with me. It made me think of a few scriptures, like " this is the day the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it" and the verse that talks about the Lord's mercies being new every morning. So today (or should i say tomorrow cause it's in the middle of the night as i'm writing this) is a new day. And it doesn't matter what kind of situation i find myself in. It doesn't matter if i'm sick and sometimes feel like i have no strength to fight, each day is a new day, and i can find something to rejoice in. God is still God and He is still good! He is always faithful regardless and his mercies are new every morning!!!

So Today is a new day!!!

Update

I just realized how long it's been since i posted something new on my blog... sorry. I can't use the excuse that i don't have enough time cause i have plenty of it. It's been hard keeping up with everything. I'm still getting things together for the medicaid hearing.. that is extremely stressful and frustrating. Then i'm i'm involved with the Alumni team and helped out at the offices a couple days a week. Which may not sound like much but for me is alot. Then add working with the youth.and throw in having a chronic illness and other health problems.. so if you add everything up it just gets complicated.

I can't remember my life ever being simple or ever having a "normal" life. I don't know what " normal" even feels like right now. Sometimes i wonder if my life will ever be simple again. I know that someday it will but that "someday" maybe a long time from now so till then I need much more grace. right now i'm just venting and probably not making any sense, so i hope you don't mind.

Conclusions

So yesterday was my birthday.. I'm now 27 believe it or not!!! I feel so old now!!! So i had a pretty good day yesterday, it was better then past birthdays so i'm glad about that. so here are some conclusions i'm came to from my birthday yesterday, in no particluar order:

1. it's no fun being alone on the night of your birthday

2. When you're trying to move a glider rocking chair, don't reach underneath it becuase your hand will get stuck.

3. If your hand is stuck and smushed in between the glider rocker it's a good thing to know what to do to get it unstuck, other wise it hurts more

4. If you play SuperMarioCarts long enough, you;ll eventally win!!

Random Thoughts

today has been very random. I got up much earlier then normal and actually got things done inspite of not feeling well. I had a mean bill collector call me that i had to deal with, which is random cause i dealt with the same one last week. And i cut my hair cause i was bored. Then i tried a bunch of clothes on in hopes of finding something to wear on Friday night, when my AMT friends take me out for my b-day. So today has been random.

Tunnel

Well God has done alot in me during the last weekend, and a major thing he did was put fresh hope in me that there really is light at the end of the tunnel. Well last night i heard this song for the first time and i almost couldn't believe my ears cause this hits so close to home, and is part of what God has been speaking to be so here are the words. It's song "Tunnel" from the new Third Day Cd. This song spoke loads of things to me.


"I won’t pretend to know what you’re thinking
And I can’t begin to know what you’re going through
And I won’t deny the pain that you’re feeling
But I’m gonna try and give a little hope to you
Just remember what I told you
So much you’re living for

There’s a light at the end of this tunnel
There;s a light at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
There’s a light at the end of this tunnel
Shinning bright at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
So keep holding on…

You got your disappointments and sorrows
And you oaught share the weight of that load with me
And you will find that the light of tomorrow
Will bring you new life for your eyes to see
So remember what I told you
So much you’re living for

There’s a light at the end of this tunnel
There’s a light at the end of this tunnel
For you , for you
There’s a light at the end of this tunnel
Shinning bright at the end of this tunnel
For you for you
So keep holding on.."

Why.. Why.. Why

Why.. seems to be the only question i can ask lately, especially God.
Like how come lately every time i try to do make something right and try to do the right thing, it goes wrong, and blows up in my face?? I asked this question and cried about it about ten minutes ago after having a horrible conversation with a bill collector on the phone. It was a nightmare. See i got a letter in the mail today saying that they would clear half of my debt if i would pay the rest in full, well obviously becuase of my situation there is no way on this earth that that can happen right now. So i decided to call and be honest with this person and tell them the whole sitatuion as calmly as possibly and see what happens.

Well Credit debt collectors are different then medical bill debt collectors. the medical bill people understand a bit that you are sick and you are limited. These credit debit collectors are literally from the pit of hell, or at least it seem like this one was. Cause here i was trying to be as nice and calm as i could be. And this guy had the nerve to blame me for being, and was basically accusing me of making everything up. Why in the world would i make this up, let alone put myself through so a living hell. Sorry but that's what it's been like most of the time

So today has been a nightmare and i would like it to be over right now!!!!

Spirit Move in me!!!

Come Holy Spirit, move in this place
We're at your mercy
We need Your grace
You are welcome
You are welcome

(song is by among thorns)

I heard this song last night before i went to bed and i couldn't stop listening to it. It's so simple but it's really the cry of my heart right now. I need God to move in me right now.

Ode to Holly

You're probably wondering who Holly is? Well Holly is the funny cat that is laying down on my desk, right next to my laptop as i'm writing this. She seems to be a littl bit jealous right now cuase as soon as i logged on she started pacing the floor by me and kept meowing, then when i didn't do anything she jumped up on my desked and walked on acrossed my laptop. She's funny and interesting kitty but cute.

The Desloges have been gone for the weekend so i've been cat sitting, so it's been interesting to say the least. I have a lot of funny cat stories. Like yesterday, Holly decided she wanted to play hide and seek, well not exactly. She had got in my closet without me knowing it and i closed it and went back downstairs for awhile. Well a couple hours later there was no sign or sound of Holly anywhere, so i started looking for her even went outside. i almost freaked out cause i couldn't find her anywhere, it would be horrible if the Desloges came back home and their kitty was missing. Anyway i went back upstairs and had to get something out of my closet and out jumps Holly and scares me half to death.

Then today i came downstairs and when i came in the kitchen she was on the kitchen table drinking the water out of the fish bowl. This was the 4th time I caught her doing this during the weekend. she doesn't like the fish but for some reason she likes the water in the fish bowl better then her water in her bowl. She is strange cat.

Now she's laying on my desk with her tail partly on my laptop so its hard for me to type. Anyway i should go for now the desloges should be back soon, holly will be sooo happy!!!

Waiting Game is OVER!!!!

The Waiting Game is OVER!!! I'm am so happy right now, i could be bouncing off the walls if i had the energy. my dr called me today to tell me that both of the biopies came back fine!!! So everything is ok, which means no skin cancer!!!! YIPEE!!! Thank You Jesus!! Bless the Lord cause He's always so faithful, even when things get really scary! I'm so relieved right now!! I haven't had a good report in a long long time, so this feels great!!!! And i'm enjoying it very much!

So take that devil!!! the devil is such a loser!!!!!

Just don't get it

Well I just don't get it sometimes, well actually most of the time. I have alot of things going on in my life that are not good, alot of things that are out of my control. I've been fighting a incurable life threatening disease for the past 2 years now, and that whole situation has caused so much kaos in my life.

Well last week i was at the dr's and had to have 2 moles removed and both were biopsied becaused they looked like early cancer. And there's a spot on my leg that;s a keratois, sorta like a mole but it's pre cancerous. Anyway now i'm waiting for the results from the biopsies. so i don't know what to think about all this except that i'm pretty scared right now.

I already have so much going on in my life and i don't need this right now. So that's why i titled this i just don't get it. i so don't get the timing of things that happened in our lives, it's so beyond me right now. And to confuse me even more, this is all happening at the end of my 40 daniel fast. This is not what i was expecting to happen during my fast, I'm fasting for my healing and breakthrough, not for more attack to happen. I just really frustrated right now. So i could use some prayer. Thanks!

Bianka is here!

It's soo good to have Bianka back for awhile!!! I've miss her so much! And it was great to see her on thursday night!! Hopefully soon we'll have some time to catch up with each other lives. Bianka's always been a wonderful friend to me and has helped me throught alot!

Well about what i've been upto today... not much. It's one of those days where it's hard to get motivated, mainly becuase it's so gloomy and rainy outside and it doesnt help that i'm not feeling good and i'm tired too. All that mixed together makes it hard to get anything done. I did accomplish a few things like one load of laundry and i called my high school to update my profile for the alumni directory. i recently got a postcard about it in the mail. It's really scary cause it'll be 10 years in 2007 since i've gradutated high school. That's so crazy!! I'm getting so old!

The other thing i did was work on my medicaid stuff that i have to get together for the hearing that i still don't know when it is. That's another situation that is just frustrating me right now. There's just so much stuff that i have to know, it's nuts.

Well i'm going go for now! Have a great day!

Bianka is coming!!!

Bianka is coming on Wednesday!!!! I'm so excited that one of my best friend's is coming back!!!! She's from Germany and went to BRSM with me, graduated a semester after me and went back to germany a year or so ago. She hasn't been gone for too long but it feels like forever, especially when your used to talking with her when ever you want to or giving her a big hug whenever you see her. Well i plan to give her a big hug when i see her on thursday. I can't wait!!!!

Cloudy

It's been really cloudy today, especially right now. It's kinda how i feel about my life right now,nothing is clear and there is alot of things that are uncertian, and are cloudy right now. I don't like it when life gets like this.

Well tomorrow i'm off to the dr's again, this time it's not about the NCS but something else that i can't go into detail about yet. So just be praying for me tomorrow. Thanks!

Halfway

Well I'm offically halfway through my forty day daniel fast, I've got 20 days to go.
This has been one of the hardest things i've have ever done in my life.I feel like i'm getting no where, cause i keep hitting these walls. I know i'm doing the right thing by pressing in but it's frustrating when you keep running into the same walls over and over again.

When i find the time to spend in prayer i cant focus and i'm totally distracted by a million things, it seems like... walls... walls...

What i would like to do

Awhile ago i had short conversation with my mom. She asked me what i was going to do that day, so i told her nothing. But being my sarcastic self i said maybe i might borrow my sister's car, just start driving somewhere, maybe i'll take a road trip today or go on a shopping spree. Obviously i was just being sarcastic about that but this got my brain thinking of what i would really want to do if i had no limitations. Some of these ideas are maybe crazy, silly or really out there while others maybe on the serious side. So here's my list i have so far, in no certian order.

1. Road trip around the country, visit every state
2. Travel around the world to visit my friends that are missionaries
3. Travel to Lithuania ( i bet you didn't know i was Lithuanian)
4. Play the piano at Cargnie Hall, preferably leading worship
5. Learn Ballet
6. Go hiking in Scotland
7. Travel to Syndey and meet United Live

these few are the beginning, i'll be adding more as i think of them

Stain Glass Masquerade

"Is there anyone that fails?
Is there anyone that falls?
Am I the only one in church today feelin so small?
Cause when i take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover that i don't belong

So i tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If i make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way i see them

Are happy plastic people under shiny plastic steeples?
With walls around our weakness and smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open to every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain on our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there?
Are there any hands to raise?
Am i the only one who's traded in the altar for a stage?
The performace is convincing and we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching cacn we really fall apart

But would it set me free if i dared to let you see
the truth behind the person that you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus be enough to make you stay

(Stain Glass Masquerade by Casting Crowns)

busy

Well this week should be a busy week for me, one that i'm not looking forward too.
Tomorrow i have to go reapply for Medicaid and then after that i have an appointment with my cardiologist, that should be fun. I'm being sarcastic. Then i'm going back to my mom's house, that part i'm looking forward to. But i'll have to miss my AMT meeting. Then tuesday i;ll be helping mom unpack her house probably. And then wednesday i have another wonderful dr's appointment, this time with a neurologist. I really don't want to go to that one either. And wednesday night if i'm not too tired from all the dr's visits, i'll be going to youth.

So that's part of my week, the rest i havent' planned out yet. Michael Rowan, he was my youth pastor in pensacola, is going to be in town this weekend and i want to go see him but i'm not sure how i'm going to get there yet. I don't like not being able to drive, it really bugs me

Still not much

Well i still don't have much to say. But i'm working on a couple different posts to add on here so it shouldn't be much longer before i post something more interesting.

Nothing new has happened today, pretty uneventful. After having so many eventful days it's nice to have a few uneventful ones. Anyway right now i'm really tired so i'm just babbling on and on, about random things. so good night everyone!

Pressing In

Wow!! Last night at Fire was amazing, actually that doesn't quite describe all that happened with me. God completely changed my life last night. For those of you weren't there Lou Engle spoke and he talked about alot of good things, like dreaming big. And he told alot of stories of how God has brought things to pass in his life. then he said something that to me is completely life changing. He was talking about breaking bad habits and stuff like that, and siad that if you pray everyday and really press in, for 40 days, that something will break ( bad habits) and God will give you a breakthrough. well when he said that he also told a few stories of times when people have been led by the Lord to press in hard for 40 days and they incredible breakthroughs in their lives.

Well i don't have many bad habits in my life but i am desperate for a breakthrough in my life, especially with my health. Last year God promised me that my breakthrough was coming and i still believe that it is even though there has been no sight of it. Iv'e pressed in for about 2 years now and have fought as hard as i can but instead of this disease getting better things have gotten worse and it's really scary right now. I've been wanting to go on somekind of fast and i feel that right now is the time for me to do it. I've been so frustrated with my life that part of me just doesn't want to fight anymore, and just give up. But last night i realized that i can't do that, and i've gotta keep fighting like i've never fought before. My life really does depend on it.

If anyone is reading this right now and is going through stuff and just wants to give up, don't!!! Keep fighting the good fight of faith! Hang in there, Jesus is faithful!!!

Cry Out to Jesus

I heard Third Day's new song last night and i really think it's perfect for what's going in the Southeast. It's really encouraging. Here are the lyrics:

" To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
When you said goodbye

And to all the people with burdens and pains
keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
they lost all of their faith in love
They done all they can do to make it right again
Still it's not enough

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you came back again
Just remember that you're not alone in your shame and your suffering

When you're lonely
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus

To the widow who struggles with being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus"
(Lyrics and music by Third Day)

The Sock Monster

Today i made a discovery!!! Have you ever wondered where you socks goes when you can't find them after being in the dryer? Well I discovered that there really is a sock monster and it lives in the Delsoge's dryer, and it may be in yours as well. I know that this is probably histrical and you probably think i've lost my mind mind, but i'm being serious, i haven't lost my mind. There really is a sock monster, dryer's really do eat socks and i have proof of it. The sock monster in my dryer favorite snack is my favorite socks, blue socks with little rubber duckies on them.

This is how i made this discoverey. Last night i was doing my laundry and my clothes were in the dryer, so i thought i would check on them cause sometimes they don't dry right. Well i opened up the dryer door and the lint screen was in the dryer and all of my clothes were tightly twisted and wrapped around it. It was actually funny cause they were so twisted so tight that i could barely get them undone. Well i thought that whole thing was kinda strange, then the dryer wouldn't go back on. so i left it over night and tried it this morning and it still wouldn't work. So Dr' Joe took the dryer apart to find out what was going on. and guess what he discovered, the sock monster, this dryer really eats socks. My blue sock with the rubber duckies on it was stuck in the blower part of the dryer. The funny part of it was that if it would of stayed there, it would eventualy have come back up through the lint screen thing. so i guess the sock monster might have acid reflux or something like that.

So beware if you;re missing a sock or two, you might have a sock monster living in you dryer.

Beautiful Day

Oh what a beautiful day! I haven't been outside yet but it looks so pretty out. I'm feeling much better today then i was yesterday! Thank You Jesus! I like life much better when i'm feeling good!

Another Day

Well today was one of those days that i wish will never happened again. I was so sick today. I did;t fall asleep till about 3 and woke up with a migraine. So i thought my blood pressure was high but it was really low this morning. Later on it went really high. So i was throwing up all day, it wasn't fun. Everytime i would try to eat something i wouldn't be able to keep it down. Yucky!

I was so tempted to go to the Er cause i just wanted some relief. I don't have medicine that works for migraines, and i couldn't keep anything down anything. I probably should of gone but i didn't want to go through all that,even though i was dehydrated, couldn't eat, and was in pain.

I really hate being sick, it frustrates me so much. It totally takes all of my energy from me. the good news is that last night i found a website about my disease. And it has alot of information and also a forum. I read some of things in the forum and it really encouraged me to see that there are others who are struggling with this disease and are just as frustrated as i am. And i've been learning alot of different facts and finding some answers to my question. I read that people with this disease, they use 3x's more energy just to do normal things like standing, then the average healthy person. No wonder i'm always tired.

Well i'm going to go for now!