Christmas list

I've got a small problem... Mrs Sherry wants me to make a christmas list for her and i don't know what i want for Christmas. So this sounds absolutely crazy but i don't put much thought into what i want anymore because there's been so many medical bills to pay and other things that i need, that normally that takes priority over what i want. And my mom always gives me money and tells me i have to use it for bills and things i need. It's been like this for awhile now.

so i'm sitting here trying to think of what i want so i can give her a list. So far i've only come up with 2 things.

"All Is Well"

I just finished listening to "All is Well: A Christmas miracle in July", by Frank Peretti. It's a story that my mom would make us kids listen to every Christmas while we were eating breakfast, before we could open any presents. To sum up the story its about a single mom and her daughter and she is struggling to make ends meet, life is far from all is well. Well they run out of money and God provides. there's more to it then just that but you have to listen to it. Anyway in the beginning of the story Frank Peretti says something that really hits home with me right now. Here's the qoute:

"All is well... do we really see it that way? Sure Christmas time we believe it but all too often nothing is well. I guess it all depends on where you're standing and how good the view is from there."( Frank Peretti)

That's how i feel right now. I couldn't have said it any better or plainer then that. Right now i just can't see past some things in my life that are going on right now. There's just way too much. But even though i may not be able to see that "All is well", there's still this little hope that somehow, someway everything will work out. And all will be well.

Christmas Letter

Well on my agenda for the day was to send my Christmas cards out and write a christmas letter. The cards are easy cause i send ecards, so i just have to choose the one i want hit send for the most part. I'm about halfway done with the christmas cards. The Letter on the other hand is rather difficult. It's requireing more of me then i thought i would. Well i finally formatted the pictures, so it looks great, now i just have to write the letter part, which is the hardest part for me. I just don't know exactly what to say. UGH!!

My Life

I don't have much to say today, nothing real profound, just that i'm extremely frustrated with my life right now. And the things that i'm frustrated about are the things that i cannot change and have no control over. Oh how i wish i could have a simple life again, how did life get so complicated, to the point of being overwhelming with problems? Right when something starts looking like it might get resolved or a bit improved.. bam.. i get hit with something else. I really don't understand it. I;ve already decided that i'm not giving up... but i am growing majorally tired and like i said frustrated.

All My Praise

All My Praise
Word and music by Audrey Hatcher

I will follow You through green pastures
And sing hallelujah to Your Name
I will follow You through dark disaster
And sing hallelujah through the pain
And even in the shadow of death
I will praise You
And even in the valley I will say

Holy, my God
You are worthy of all my praise
Holy, my God
You are worthy of all my praise

You are seated on Your throne in heaven
And You see all of us down here
And You have promised You will not abandon
So I shall not fear
And even in the shadow of death
I will praise You
And even in the valley I will say

Holy, my God
You are worthy of all my praise
Holy, my God
You are worthy of all my praise

You made every star
And You taught it how to shine
You knew my name before there was time
And all this was just part of Your glorious design
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Few More Days

Last night I had one of my vent sessions with God cause right now i just don't understand why somethings are going on in my life. Take for example this week I've been in severe pain to the point where i wasn't able to get out of bed and on top of things, i blacked out a few times. I'm already having a hard enough time trying to handle and fight this disease now i've got to deal with back issue.. what's up with that? So i've been asking the Lord the question.. How Long?? How many more mornings do i have to wake up so weak that i black out or that i'm in so much pain that i can;t move? How many more sleepless nights because of pain? How many days of taking endless pills that don;t help but only make me sick? I can go on forever.. but you know where i'm going with this,, how long? Well He answered me... " Just a few more days" I don't know what he means by just a few more days. A few more days to him could be longer then what we think of, but it is still very encouarging! And it gives me much hope to keep pressing in till it happens!