Not Alone

"I'm not alone

i'm not alone

He never leaves me

He never leaves me"

This was one of the songs that Jason Upton sang while he was at FIRE this weekend. This song is so simple but so powerful, it went straight to my heart and really encouraged me so much! I think this song will be forever stuck in my head.

50

Wow i just look at the dashboard and saw that i've written 50 posts on this blog.That's amazing, at least i think so! Anyway that's what i wanted to tell the world this morning. And i love Jesus very much.

I heard Jason upton last night. and he sang a song that really could describe my life and how i feel about everything that is going on. so here are the words.

" I don't have the power
I don't even have a clue
I don't have all the answers
I don't even know a few
And if i were really honest
And the truth be known in me
It may sound a little funny
But this is what my prayer would be

I don't know what to do, but my eyes are on You
I don't know what to do but my eyes are on You.
( Gideon by Jason upton)

Held

" This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know
that the promise was when everything fell
We be held"
(held by Natalie Grant)

What shall i write about?

What shall i write about today?? Life hasn't been extremely exciting lately. the only things that have been going is, is me getting migraines and getting sick. And of course i won't gross everyone out with the details. Good news is that i'm feeling better today. And it's a beautful day outside!!!! This is my kind of weather.

I haven't done much today except write posts for my xanga and this blog. I was up in my room for awhile listening to Enter into the worship circle. Those cd's are really great.

That;s all for now.

Thank You Jesus!

Sorry it's been a few days since i last posted something. but this post should be worth the wait, cause it happened last night. Well yesterday morning i was feeling kinda weird, not quite sick yet but felt like i was going to be soon. Well by the afternoon, early evening i had another migraine. I had to go to our Alumni meeting that night, so i still went even though i was in alot of pain and felt really wiped out. Towards the end of the meeting they prayed for me for awhile and i felt God's presence but i still had the migraine. And that's something that i really don't understand, how i can be in God's presence and still be in pain. that's one of my million questions will i will save for another post. So back to my story, testimony... a little bit later, my friend Chad asked me if i was still in pain, so i told him that i was. So he prayed again, and kept praying till it left. And the migraine really went away, i was kinda surprised. I still felt wiped out from everything though. then later he prayed that i would have good night's sleep, which i really needed cuase i don't sleep well at all for the most part. And last night i sleep so good,it was wonderful!!!! and I didn't get a miagraine today at all. so thank You Jesus for touching me last night and today!!!! This is so cool!!

How Long?

"How long O Lord? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
How long shall i take counsel in my soul having sorrow in my heart daily?
How long will my enemy be exalted over me?"
Ps 13:1-2


I love the Psalms because i can relate to so much of what's written in them. And i love how David is so honest. He doesn't care about how it comes out or sounds, he just pours out his heart to God.

I have alot of questions right now, and the main one is " How much longer Lord?"
I've been going through constant "stuff" for well over a couple of years now. and most of the time it seems like i'm fighting an unending uphill battle. And there are times i would really like a break from all of it and just have a season of peace. I know that God has promised me a breakthrough but i can't help but wonder how much longer? I'm not about to give up but honestly i'm weary right now.

Boxes

Boxes..boxes..boxes and more boxes!! i don't want to see or lift or even touch another box after all the moving and unpacking i did today. i done with this moving thing for awhile or at least i hope so. i finally finished moving my stuff over to the Delsoges. Thank You Jen sooo much for helping me today! You're my hero!!! she did most of the moving for me. After we got everything moved in we went to Marble Slab and got ice cream. then it was back to my room to unpack,AHHH!!! It took forever and i thought i would get trapped in my room cause of all my stuff.

Well that's all i feel like writing right now.

Relaxing

Right now i'm lay now i'm laying in my bed (prompt up with lots of pillows so i'm nice and comfortable), typing on this laptop. Dr Joe is letting me use one of his laptops that has wireless internet, and he's going to try to hook me up with wireless internet in my room for my computer. Oh, life is so good sometimes! It's just nice to jsut take my time instead of always having to rush.

I tried out xanga and so far i don't like it that much. It has it pluses but honestly blogger is better for me. the only thing i like about it is that you can put different cd's and books on your posts. Other then that it's frustrating trying to get my xanga the way i want it to be. More then likely i'll keep this blog more updated then my xanga, so if there are people who really want to keep up with my excited sometime crazy at times life, then stick with my blog.

by the way today i thought of something to be very thankful for.. my legs! Without them i would be so short!! If you're wondering where this came from, I've been hanging around kids lately, and plus i'm very tired right now but won't go to sleep cause i'm having too much fun using this laptop.

Not a good week

Well this week was not a good week! It was very rough to say the least. Rough could be an understatement. Monday was actually probably the best day. I very felt good, well actually great for the first time in a long time. And that feeling lasted for the whole day not just a few hours. i was pretty shocked. i was helping at the office and was working on the computer all day, and i didn't get a miagraine!! Later i still felt great and went to the Local Alumni Gathering at Rocky River. It was fun but not alot of grads showed up. what's up with that?? anyway then a bunch of us went to someone's house and made smoothies and had some really good conversations. I really enjoyed it. It was very nice.

Then the next day i was at my sister's int he morning and was feeling a little strange. And by 12 i had a migraine and was throwing up. I didn't stop throwing up till 11 that night. In the middle of all that i went back to the Desloges, my new home and watched the Emperor's New Groove. I really like that movie, it's so funny.

today been ok but i'm still getting over being sick this week. Iv'e been getting sick too much lately and it's getting on my nerves.

Well i'll write more later

Till I see You

Here's a really beautiful song that i can't stop singing. It's off of a cd that i can't stop listening to

" The greatest love that anyone can ever know
Overcame the cross, the grave to find my soul
Until i see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You

Though i ever live to see Your Kingdom come
And in my heart i pray You let your will be done
Until i see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You

I will live to love YOu
I will live to bring You praise
I will live, a child in awe of You

You are the voice that called the universe to be
You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me
Until i see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You

You alone are God of all
You alone are worthy Lord
And with all I am my soul will bless You name"
(lyrics by United Live)

Blurry

Well i finally have some time to post something. I had a nice trip back. we stopped in Harrisonburg, Va and stayed over night. My mom was feeling good so when we got there she laid down for awhile. Meanwhile i walked down to the christian bookstore, boy was it a walk. there's was a huge hill i had to walk up but i made it. then when i got back we went to Panera Bread and had soup. And we got back to the hotel and went to the pool for a quick dip. And then we went to Outback Steakhouse and had a very yummy dinner. I had Lobster for the first time. she let me order Lobster tails, they were so yummy! And then we went back to the hotel so my mom could lay down a gain. This time while she was resting, i was pretty bored, so i dyed and highlighted my hair. I do crazy things when i'm bored. It turned out pretty good, i like it alot. After i was done with that, we went to Bruster's and both got a big waffle cone. I got Chocolate Oreo and she got Peanut Butter Puddles, YUMMY!! So i had a good day!!

Ever since I've been back from Jersey,I've been so busy that my life has been a blur. I got back from my trip on thursday and immediately moved over to the Desloges when i got back. Even though i was exhausted i did some major unpacking. And i was able to unpack most of what was in my room. I still have to get more from my sister's house, so there's tons of unpacking left for me to do. If any of my friends would like to help me when i get the rest of my stuff over there, we could have a unpacking party.

The next day i slept till 11 and finished my room for now. But i wasn't feeling good at all. I had a migraine and my blood pressure was really high. and i ended up throwing up really bad. I will spare everyone the details, i rather not remember it.
I'm getting rather tired of being sick and throwing up all the time. I HATE IT!!!

Well i guess that's it for now! I'll post something else later!

Shout to God

The enemy is defeated!!
Death couldn't hold You down
We're gonna lift our voice in victory
We're gonna make your praises loud!

Shout unto God with a voice of triumph
Shout unto God with a voice of praise
Shout unto God with a voice of triumph
We lift Your name up
We lift Your name up

(Lyrics by United Live)

Road Trip

Road Trip Time!! Tomorrow i head back to wonderful Charlotte! I've had a nice time in Jersey but i'm ready to get back to my so called normal life. I just don't want to deal with all the kaotic crazy circumstances that will be awaiting me when i get back. Dealing with all the bills( that i can't pay), the doctors ( who just frustrate me to no end), and the little things like moving on friday when i still can't find a truck, and constantly trying to figure out how i'm going to be able to do things and get to places when i can't drive( i'm still not used to it). sorry for the venting i'm a little bit frustrated with my life at this point. I enjoyed haveing some peace for a change, while i was here.

I should have some more peace when we get to our hotel tomorrow night. We're stopping somewhere in Virginia at a nice hotel. And we should be getting there sometime in the after noon so we can relax and do nothing but sit by the pool, and of course go out to dinner, hopefully at Outback Steakhouse. My mom said that there was one next to the hotel, so since she mentioned it i guess we'll be having dinner there. It should be fun.

i really should be sleeping right now since i have to wake up at 5am cause we;re leaving at 6:30. I would try to wake up a few minutes before we were leaving but i'm really slow that early in the morning. i'm so not a morning person, but i'm not really a night person either.

so i'm still babbling on here but i guess i'll stop cause it is getting late. well i probably won't be posting anything new for a couple of days, since i'll be traveling and then moving when i get back.

I Found It!!!

Well today was another long, long day of going through my stuff. Today was more emotionally draining then yesterday. As my mom and I were taking a trip down "memory lane", some of the memories were sweet but some were not. Some were sad and bittersweet and others just made me mad.

On a happier and funny note, i found some more interesting things.
- Rainbow Brite (she's one of my favorites)
- Strawberry Shortcake ( and she still smells like strawberries)
- Cabbage Patch Dolls
- Yearbooks (i even have some from elementary school)
- an old doll that talks, you pull the string and it says "i love you" or "i'm sleepy", "we go bye bye"
- my colorguard scrapbook
- Popples (stuff animals that you can turn into a ball)
- Mrs. Butterworth bottles ( and if you're wondering.. no we didn't just save empty bottles, when i was little, my mom helped us paint them)
- Little Miss Makeup

Well i guess i better go for now. I should get to bed cause tomorrow is another long day. Now that we've gone through everything, we now have to finish packing it. Oh Happy Day!!

Hungry

While i've been going through some of my stuff, I've found some old journals of mine. I think the one i read tonight was after my first year at BRSM. There's a part of this journal that so describes where my heart is right now, I just want God to move in my life. I need Him to show up in my life!! So here's my thoughts:

"I'm so hungry for revival! I've never been so spiritually hungry before.I'm thirsty for the things of God and the things of this world can't satisfy my soul. I'm not going to be satisfied until i get ahold of Jesus and get more of Him."

" Lord i want more of You
Holy Spirit rain down on me
Lord I need more of You
Living Breath of life come fill me up

We Are hungry, we are hungry
We are hungry for more of You
We are thirsty,Oh Jesus
We are thirsty for more of You

We lift our holy hands up
We want to touch You
We lift our voices higher and higher
And higher to You" ( We Are Hungry)

Down Sizing

As some of you know, I'm in Jersey with my mom for a week. The main reason why i'm up here is to go through all of my stuff that i have left in the attic, which is at least half the attic. So we started on this massive project yesterday and it wasn't so bad yesterday. Of course i didn't go through too many boxes, most of what i went through was clothes and i decided to get rid of them. so that was easy. Well today was extremely challengeing. We went through half of my stuff. You wouldn't beleive some of the stuff i have.

I'm have so many stuffed animals, I have lots of bunnies and bears, a cow, some ugly monkeys, and every other creature God created, as well as a Pillsbury Dough Boy. i went through 3 bags of them already and there are still more left. I'm getting rid of most of them. i'm keeping all my bunnies and bears, I'm too attached to them.

While i was going through everything i've been finding some rather interesting things, some of which are hillarious. I found ALOt of photos, and most of my class pictures when i was in elementary school. And in all of them except for one I'm either frowning or i look like i'm mad. I didn't like to have my picture taken back then and i still don't. then i found beauty pagent trophies from when i was in some pagents when i was 10ish. I found some really ugly clothes that i used to wear when i was trying to be trendy in high school. And then we found an electric can opener that has got to be at least 60 yrs old. and i found all this little stuff, more like junk that i've collected, like key chains. I guess i have a million of them cause for some reason i was collecting them.

Like i said before i still have alot of boxes to go through, so who knows what i'll find. Tonight we had 3 hot air balloons almost land in our backyard. they were extremely low, almost hitting the trees, they were trying to go up but couldn't. that was the excitement for the night. i ran outside and took pictures of them with my cell phone.

Well i should be going for now! I need to finish doing some things!

Faithful Regardless

Lately I've been thinking about God's faithfulness and how unchanging He is. So here are some of my thoughts.

He remains faithful regardless of the circumstances i find myself in. He remains faithful regardless if i find myself in a deep dark calley and can't see anything around me, or if i'm high on a mountain top with a crystal clear view and can see for miles.

He remains faithful even when my prayers go unanswered or when they're not answered the way i thought they should be. He remains faithful when all is well and i'm at peace, or when all is far from well and peace seems a million miles away. And He even remains faithful regardless, even if i'm faithless.

Just waking up

It's 10am and i'm just waking up! That's okay though cause i normally wake up around now anyway, plus i was really sick yesterday so i needed the extra rest. I felt find in the morning a little headachy but not too bad. Then a couple hours later the headachy feeling turned into a full blown miagraine. So for the rest of the day i was throwing up. I couldn't sleep becuase laying down made me feel worse. Well fortunately last night i started to feel better and was able to eat dinner and keep it down. I watched Racing Stripes, with my mom. The Rooster on there is hilliarous.

Since i didn't get much done yesterday i hopeing i get more done today. Maybe We'll start going through boxes today.

Wired

Well hello everyone! I just got to New Jersey. We've been driving since 9am this morning and just got here. Well i wasn't driving, i slept most of the way. Which is why i'm probably so wired right now. I'm think i'm finally started to settle down, well not enough to go to sleep yet.When we got home my mom was wired too. so it was quite a sight, both me and my mom cracking up laughing and being silly cause we were so tired. I was laughing so hard that i couldn't breathe and was crying too.

Anyway i could babble on forever but i probably shouldn't, i don't have anything profound to say tonight. Maybe i will tomorrow, we'll see.

I'm Finished!!!!!

I got one thing to say, (probably more then that) I'm Finished!!!!! NO MORE SHOTS!!!! For those of you who are thinking, "what in the world is she talking about", today i got my last rabies vaccine. The shots are all over with and I never have to get them ever again. As you can tell I'm extremely excited about this, and so is Sarah, Warren, and the boys who had to get the whole series of shots too. This is a happy day!!

The other good news i have is that i started moving my stuff over to the Desloges. we're moving most of it today but there will still be some stuff i'll move when i get back from Jersey. This move has been stressful but for the most part i really haven't had to do anything except for sorting through things and deciding where things are going. My sister did most of the packing and lifting for me. Sarah, incase you end up reading this, Thank you so much for helping me!You're my hero!

Well i better be going for now! I leave for Jersey tomorrow and i'll be gone for a week. But i should have plenty of time to post some things.