Cloudy

It's been really cloudy today, especially right now. It's kinda how i feel about my life right now,nothing is clear and there is alot of things that are uncertian, and are cloudy right now. I don't like it when life gets like this.

Well tomorrow i'm off to the dr's again, this time it's not about the NCS but something else that i can't go into detail about yet. So just be praying for me tomorrow. Thanks!

Halfway

Well I'm offically halfway through my forty day daniel fast, I've got 20 days to go.
This has been one of the hardest things i've have ever done in my life.I feel like i'm getting no where, cause i keep hitting these walls. I know i'm doing the right thing by pressing in but it's frustrating when you keep running into the same walls over and over again.

When i find the time to spend in prayer i cant focus and i'm totally distracted by a million things, it seems like... walls... walls...

What i would like to do

Awhile ago i had short conversation with my mom. She asked me what i was going to do that day, so i told her nothing. But being my sarcastic self i said maybe i might borrow my sister's car, just start driving somewhere, maybe i'll take a road trip today or go on a shopping spree. Obviously i was just being sarcastic about that but this got my brain thinking of what i would really want to do if i had no limitations. Some of these ideas are maybe crazy, silly or really out there while others maybe on the serious side. So here's my list i have so far, in no certian order.

1. Road trip around the country, visit every state
2. Travel around the world to visit my friends that are missionaries
3. Travel to Lithuania ( i bet you didn't know i was Lithuanian)
4. Play the piano at Cargnie Hall, preferably leading worship
5. Learn Ballet
6. Go hiking in Scotland
7. Travel to Syndey and meet United Live

these few are the beginning, i'll be adding more as i think of them

Stain Glass Masquerade

"Is there anyone that fails?
Is there anyone that falls?
Am I the only one in church today feelin so small?
Cause when i take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover that i don't belong

So i tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If i make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way i see them

Are happy plastic people under shiny plastic steeples?
With walls around our weakness and smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open to every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain on our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there?
Are there any hands to raise?
Am i the only one who's traded in the altar for a stage?
The performace is convincing and we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching cacn we really fall apart

But would it set me free if i dared to let you see
the truth behind the person that you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus be enough to make you stay

(Stain Glass Masquerade by Casting Crowns)

busy

Well this week should be a busy week for me, one that i'm not looking forward too.
Tomorrow i have to go reapply for Medicaid and then after that i have an appointment with my cardiologist, that should be fun. I'm being sarcastic. Then i'm going back to my mom's house, that part i'm looking forward to. But i'll have to miss my AMT meeting. Then tuesday i;ll be helping mom unpack her house probably. And then wednesday i have another wonderful dr's appointment, this time with a neurologist. I really don't want to go to that one either. And wednesday night if i'm not too tired from all the dr's visits, i'll be going to youth.

So that's part of my week, the rest i havent' planned out yet. Michael Rowan, he was my youth pastor in pensacola, is going to be in town this weekend and i want to go see him but i'm not sure how i'm going to get there yet. I don't like not being able to drive, it really bugs me

Still not much

Well i still don't have much to say. But i'm working on a couple different posts to add on here so it shouldn't be much longer before i post something more interesting.

Nothing new has happened today, pretty uneventful. After having so many eventful days it's nice to have a few uneventful ones. Anyway right now i'm really tired so i'm just babbling on and on, about random things. so good night everyone!

Pressing In

Wow!! Last night at Fire was amazing, actually that doesn't quite describe all that happened with me. God completely changed my life last night. For those of you weren't there Lou Engle spoke and he talked about alot of good things, like dreaming big. And he told alot of stories of how God has brought things to pass in his life. then he said something that to me is completely life changing. He was talking about breaking bad habits and stuff like that, and siad that if you pray everyday and really press in, for 40 days, that something will break ( bad habits) and God will give you a breakthrough. well when he said that he also told a few stories of times when people have been led by the Lord to press in hard for 40 days and they incredible breakthroughs in their lives.

Well i don't have many bad habits in my life but i am desperate for a breakthrough in my life, especially with my health. Last year God promised me that my breakthrough was coming and i still believe that it is even though there has been no sight of it. Iv'e pressed in for about 2 years now and have fought as hard as i can but instead of this disease getting better things have gotten worse and it's really scary right now. I've been wanting to go on somekind of fast and i feel that right now is the time for me to do it. I've been so frustrated with my life that part of me just doesn't want to fight anymore, and just give up. But last night i realized that i can't do that, and i've gotta keep fighting like i've never fought before. My life really does depend on it.

If anyone is reading this right now and is going through stuff and just wants to give up, don't!!! Keep fighting the good fight of faith! Hang in there, Jesus is faithful!!!

Cry Out to Jesus

I heard Third Day's new song last night and i really think it's perfect for what's going in the Southeast. It's really encouraging. Here are the lyrics:

" To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
When you said goodbye

And to all the people with burdens and pains
keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
they lost all of their faith in love
They done all they can do to make it right again
Still it's not enough

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you came back again
Just remember that you're not alone in your shame and your suffering

When you're lonely
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus

To the widow who struggles with being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus"
(Lyrics and music by Third Day)

The Sock Monster

Today i made a discovery!!! Have you ever wondered where you socks goes when you can't find them after being in the dryer? Well I discovered that there really is a sock monster and it lives in the Delsoge's dryer, and it may be in yours as well. I know that this is probably histrical and you probably think i've lost my mind mind, but i'm being serious, i haven't lost my mind. There really is a sock monster, dryer's really do eat socks and i have proof of it. The sock monster in my dryer favorite snack is my favorite socks, blue socks with little rubber duckies on them.

This is how i made this discoverey. Last night i was doing my laundry and my clothes were in the dryer, so i thought i would check on them cause sometimes they don't dry right. Well i opened up the dryer door and the lint screen was in the dryer and all of my clothes were tightly twisted and wrapped around it. It was actually funny cause they were so twisted so tight that i could barely get them undone. Well i thought that whole thing was kinda strange, then the dryer wouldn't go back on. so i left it over night and tried it this morning and it still wouldn't work. So Dr' Joe took the dryer apart to find out what was going on. and guess what he discovered, the sock monster, this dryer really eats socks. My blue sock with the rubber duckies on it was stuck in the blower part of the dryer. The funny part of it was that if it would of stayed there, it would eventualy have come back up through the lint screen thing. so i guess the sock monster might have acid reflux or something like that.

So beware if you;re missing a sock or two, you might have a sock monster living in you dryer.

Beautiful Day

Oh what a beautiful day! I haven't been outside yet but it looks so pretty out. I'm feeling much better today then i was yesterday! Thank You Jesus! I like life much better when i'm feeling good!

Another Day

Well today was one of those days that i wish will never happened again. I was so sick today. I did;t fall asleep till about 3 and woke up with a migraine. So i thought my blood pressure was high but it was really low this morning. Later on it went really high. So i was throwing up all day, it wasn't fun. Everytime i would try to eat something i wouldn't be able to keep it down. Yucky!

I was so tempted to go to the Er cause i just wanted some relief. I don't have medicine that works for migraines, and i couldn't keep anything down anything. I probably should of gone but i didn't want to go through all that,even though i was dehydrated, couldn't eat, and was in pain.

I really hate being sick, it frustrates me so much. It totally takes all of my energy from me. the good news is that last night i found a website about my disease. And it has alot of information and also a forum. I read some of things in the forum and it really encouraged me to see that there are others who are struggling with this disease and are just as frustrated as i am. And i've been learning alot of different facts and finding some answers to my question. I read that people with this disease, they use 3x's more energy just to do normal things like standing, then the average healthy person. No wonder i'm always tired.

Well i'm going to go for now!