Tunnel

Well God has done alot in me during the last weekend, and a major thing he did was put fresh hope in me that there really is light at the end of the tunnel. Well last night i heard this song for the first time and i almost couldn't believe my ears cause this hits so close to home, and is part of what God has been speaking to be so here are the words. It's song "Tunnel" from the new Third Day Cd. This song spoke loads of things to me.


"I won’t pretend to know what you’re thinking
And I can’t begin to know what you’re going through
And I won’t deny the pain that you’re feeling
But I’m gonna try and give a little hope to you
Just remember what I told you
So much you’re living for

There’s a light at the end of this tunnel
There;s a light at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
There’s a light at the end of this tunnel
Shinning bright at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
So keep holding on…

You got your disappointments and sorrows
And you oaught share the weight of that load with me
And you will find that the light of tomorrow
Will bring you new life for your eyes to see
So remember what I told you
So much you’re living for

There’s a light at the end of this tunnel
There’s a light at the end of this tunnel
For you , for you
There’s a light at the end of this tunnel
Shinning bright at the end of this tunnel
For you for you
So keep holding on.."

Why.. Why.. Why

Why.. seems to be the only question i can ask lately, especially God.
Like how come lately every time i try to do make something right and try to do the right thing, it goes wrong, and blows up in my face?? I asked this question and cried about it about ten minutes ago after having a horrible conversation with a bill collector on the phone. It was a nightmare. See i got a letter in the mail today saying that they would clear half of my debt if i would pay the rest in full, well obviously becuase of my situation there is no way on this earth that that can happen right now. So i decided to call and be honest with this person and tell them the whole sitatuion as calmly as possibly and see what happens.

Well Credit debt collectors are different then medical bill debt collectors. the medical bill people understand a bit that you are sick and you are limited. These credit debit collectors are literally from the pit of hell, or at least it seem like this one was. Cause here i was trying to be as nice and calm as i could be. And this guy had the nerve to blame me for being, and was basically accusing me of making everything up. Why in the world would i make this up, let alone put myself through so a living hell. Sorry but that's what it's been like most of the time

So today has been a nightmare and i would like it to be over right now!!!!

Spirit Move in me!!!

Come Holy Spirit, move in this place
We're at your mercy
We need Your grace
You are welcome
You are welcome

(song is by among thorns)

I heard this song last night before i went to bed and i couldn't stop listening to it. It's so simple but it's really the cry of my heart right now. I need God to move in me right now.

Ode to Holly

You're probably wondering who Holly is? Well Holly is the funny cat that is laying down on my desk, right next to my laptop as i'm writing this. She seems to be a littl bit jealous right now cuase as soon as i logged on she started pacing the floor by me and kept meowing, then when i didn't do anything she jumped up on my desked and walked on acrossed my laptop. She's funny and interesting kitty but cute.

The Desloges have been gone for the weekend so i've been cat sitting, so it's been interesting to say the least. I have a lot of funny cat stories. Like yesterday, Holly decided she wanted to play hide and seek, well not exactly. She had got in my closet without me knowing it and i closed it and went back downstairs for awhile. Well a couple hours later there was no sign or sound of Holly anywhere, so i started looking for her even went outside. i almost freaked out cause i couldn't find her anywhere, it would be horrible if the Desloges came back home and their kitty was missing. Anyway i went back upstairs and had to get something out of my closet and out jumps Holly and scares me half to death.

Then today i came downstairs and when i came in the kitchen she was on the kitchen table drinking the water out of the fish bowl. This was the 4th time I caught her doing this during the weekend. she doesn't like the fish but for some reason she likes the water in the fish bowl better then her water in her bowl. She is strange cat.

Now she's laying on my desk with her tail partly on my laptop so its hard for me to type. Anyway i should go for now the desloges should be back soon, holly will be sooo happy!!!

Waiting Game is OVER!!!!

The Waiting Game is OVER!!! I'm am so happy right now, i could be bouncing off the walls if i had the energy. my dr called me today to tell me that both of the biopies came back fine!!! So everything is ok, which means no skin cancer!!!! YIPEE!!! Thank You Jesus!! Bless the Lord cause He's always so faithful, even when things get really scary! I'm so relieved right now!! I haven't had a good report in a long long time, so this feels great!!!! And i'm enjoying it very much!

So take that devil!!! the devil is such a loser!!!!!

Just don't get it

Well I just don't get it sometimes, well actually most of the time. I have alot of things going on in my life that are not good, alot of things that are out of my control. I've been fighting a incurable life threatening disease for the past 2 years now, and that whole situation has caused so much kaos in my life.

Well last week i was at the dr's and had to have 2 moles removed and both were biopsied becaused they looked like early cancer. And there's a spot on my leg that;s a keratois, sorta like a mole but it's pre cancerous. Anyway now i'm waiting for the results from the biopsies. so i don't know what to think about all this except that i'm pretty scared right now.

I already have so much going on in my life and i don't need this right now. So that's why i titled this i just don't get it. i so don't get the timing of things that happened in our lives, it's so beyond me right now. And to confuse me even more, this is all happening at the end of my 40 daniel fast. This is not what i was expecting to happen during my fast, I'm fasting for my healing and breakthrough, not for more attack to happen. I just really frustrated right now. So i could use some prayer. Thanks!

Bianka is here!

It's soo good to have Bianka back for awhile!!! I've miss her so much! And it was great to see her on thursday night!! Hopefully soon we'll have some time to catch up with each other lives. Bianka's always been a wonderful friend to me and has helped me throught alot!

Well about what i've been upto today... not much. It's one of those days where it's hard to get motivated, mainly becuase it's so gloomy and rainy outside and it doesnt help that i'm not feeling good and i'm tired too. All that mixed together makes it hard to get anything done. I did accomplish a few things like one load of laundry and i called my high school to update my profile for the alumni directory. i recently got a postcard about it in the mail. It's really scary cause it'll be 10 years in 2007 since i've gradutated high school. That's so crazy!! I'm getting so old!

The other thing i did was work on my medicaid stuff that i have to get together for the hearing that i still don't know when it is. That's another situation that is just frustrating me right now. There's just so much stuff that i have to know, it's nuts.

Well i'm going go for now! Have a great day!

Bianka is coming!!!

Bianka is coming on Wednesday!!!! I'm so excited that one of my best friend's is coming back!!!! She's from Germany and went to BRSM with me, graduated a semester after me and went back to germany a year or so ago. She hasn't been gone for too long but it feels like forever, especially when your used to talking with her when ever you want to or giving her a big hug whenever you see her. Well i plan to give her a big hug when i see her on thursday. I can't wait!!!!